A Day At The Races


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Phone conversation

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All I ordered was a 6-pack! Not 6 carburetors! How can you say the engine is missing in turn nine? It's right here in front of me, you moron!

Hey boss, I signed on to fix Chevys but this ain't a Chevy! Whady mean the tech inspector found an illegal NOx bottle? As a dentist I have a special license for that stuff!

Hey boss, I have a problem...I glued my hand to the fender and it won't come off!! "Hey Tony, I think I got it. We have six carburetors that have two throats each, two oil filters, two distributors, two camshafts, 12 cylinders and 24 valves"

The check engine light came on... Yep engine is still there. Hey Mike . . . . does it look like I own it from where you're standing?

Wait a second. You're saying sugar is bad for the car? YUP!, You were right this is a NASCAR race, they wouldn't let my Ferrari in!

Is this Jeff Gordon? I need some tips on how to drive, I'm just a beginner This driver disguise is working great! Yeah, yeah, uh huh. Send the guys in, I know we can get it stripped down and outta' here in twenty minutes.

Hey dad, I dropped my gum in the engine and the owner says I have to buy it, what's your credit card number? I put the key in da hole and it no go vroom vroom.

The racing driver suit was a great idea... I already have an offer of five millions... What? No, nobody found out it is a Datsun... I'm gonna die in this race. I better call the sperm bank now!!!!!

Hello, 911? Yeah, I got this little problem. I seem to have a car parked on my foot.... Must be a Ford. It's got it's hood up...

Hey, about that engine.... I just found it in the front!!! Yea this week I'm doing this modeling gig dressed like a race car driver, next week its a chicken suit at a baseball game. I definitely need a new agent!

Honey, tell the kids I found Fluffy. Hey boss, Whats the firing order for a 12 cylinder, we changed the plugs and took all the leads off. . . . OK Boss, there's no need to shout.

Okay, I think that if I stare at it long enough it will start!! I could've had a V8 !!!

For the umpteenth time, Schumacher, I can't help you. Ask your own darn mechanics! OK, I've got it ... take a left turn out of pit row....bear left for 500 miles....ya....then what... you'll be the one waving the Checkered Flag?

Bill, where the hell did I loose the hood at? Was it back in turn five? Tell them to put out the caution. Hey bro. guess what? I found this red suit in the trash. Now they want me to drive a car for them. Wild huh?

Everything I touch turns RED. Could we please buy some air filters?

Don't worry so much baby, I've clipped the wires just like you said. Now tell me again, exactly how much his life insurance is? Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good.

Uh...honey....I dropped your ring into the engine... Hello, Simpson Safety Equipment? I'd like to order a driving suit with extra room in the crotch.

Number 2 looks heaps better boss, why do i have to drive number 1?? I had to stop, it's against the law to use the cell phone when I am driving.

Where the hell is my pit crew? I can't just stand here all day looking like I know what I'm doing. Hi Honey ! I'm real sorry bout those opera tickets for tonight but we've got major league problems here at the office...probably won't be home till late..........love ya !

Yes, I think all we need is some bubble gum and it should hold on nicely. Hey, it worked with the muffler. I believe it is the piston return springs that are giving us trouble.

"Hi Lois,this is Clark. Are you finished mending my suit yet? I've just helped the mechanic change a tyre by holding the car in the air for him and he still doesn't believe I'm SUPERMAN!" Breaker, Breaker, Thats affirmative Big Daddy, We Gotta riceball caught in the butterfly, uh, its a serious one, send the team right away, 10-4 over and out!

You mean free reving the engine to 15,000 rpm to create a hole in the pan is not how you drain the oil? Hey, that mirror trick really works it does look like i have six of these things now

Thank you for calling Ferrari Technical help center. Your call is important to us. Just stay on the line, all our technisions are helping other racers right now and your call will be answered in the finishing order of your last race. "Well uh it sure do looka like we gotta fix dem der muffler barrings. I'll be back in the country at noon."

I came, I saw, I wanted to race but I decided to order take out. No, It doesn't have a HEMI!

Yea, Brenda I got the Hertz supreme package. Should have told them I can't drive a stick. Hey Bob, I tell you "this" Miata conversion is really convincing.

Honey, it is all about compromise. I bought you the mini-van with the DVD player for the kids, now it's my turn. Ummm Mr. Gordon is it bad if i accidentaly put transmission fluid where the oil goes and oil where the transmission fluid goes? I'm sorry i can't hear you stop screaming.

Okay I stole the hood, but i think people might notice. looks like the starter's gone bad lemme whack it and see if it works. Crap! uh... i think i broke the car........... don't tell Jeff.

Well, it was running a little rough - What? Mainly during left turns... Sooo, anyway, I tried playing with the synch screws a bi... Dammit, stop yelling at me! I'm TRYING to EXPLAIN it to you! "I asked for a dozen of eggs, but the rack is empty! Send me another shopping cart, but make sure the eggs are there, you stupid! Everyone's laughing at me around here!"

Who put the 12bl carb on my yugo ?



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