We all get 'em. Email jokes and various articles find their way around the internet like wildfire. The following car related articles are from the WebCars! files.
(Our favorites are in blue)
ACURA:
- Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
- Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC:
- All Makes Combined
- A Major Cost
- A Mutated Car
- A Morons Car
- Another Major Catastrophe
- A Man's Car
- A Miss Conception
- All Muscle Car
- All Most Car
- Annoying Mechanics Constantly
- Automotive Mental Cruelty
AUDI:
- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
- Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
- Automobile Under Demonic Influence
- Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
- Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
- Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
- All Unnecessary Devices Installed
BMW:
- Big Money Works
- Bought My Wife
- Brutal Money Waster
- Break My Window
- Break My Windshield
- Babbling Mechanical Wench
- Beastly Monstrous Wonder
- Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
- Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
- Barely Moving Wreck
- Big Money Waste
- Big Money. Why?
- Big Money Works
- Born Moderately Wealthy
- Breaks Most Wrenches
- Bring Many Wrenches
- Brings Me Women
- Brings More Women
- Broken Money Waster
- Broke My Wallet
- Broken Monstrous Wonder
- Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
- Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
- Bavarian Manure Wagon
BUICK:
- Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
- Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King
Camaro:
- Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One??
- Can't America Make A Real One?
- Chevrolet Assembled Mustang And Repaired Often
- Could Always Manufacture And Recall Often
CHEVROLET:
- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
- Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
- Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
- Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
- Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
DODGE:
- Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
- Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
- Dead Old Dog Going East
- Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
- Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
- Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
- Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
- Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
- Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive
EDSEL:
Every Day Something Else Leaks
Every Day Some Engineer Laughs
FIAT:
- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
- Fix It Again, Tony
- Fix It All the Time
- Found In A Toilet
- Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
FORD:
- Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
- Fix Or Repair Daily
- Found On Road Dead
- Fast Only Rolling Downhill
- First On Race Day
- First On Recall Day
- Fabricated Of Refried Dung
- Fails On Rainy Days
- Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
- Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
- Fault Of R&D
- Finally Obsolete Racing Device
- Fireball On Rear Denting
- First On Road to Dump
- First On Rust and Deterioration
- Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
- Flipping Over Results in Death
- Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
- Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
- Foot On Road Decelerates
- Forced On Reluctant Drivers
- Formed Of Rejected DNA
- Forwarded Once; Return Denied
- Forward Only; Reverse Defective
- Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
- Fork Over Repair Dough
- Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
- Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
- Free Or Reduced Drastically
- Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
- Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
- Funny Old Rattling Dump
- Forget Out Running Dale (Earnhardt or Jarrett)
- Features O.J. and Ron`s DNA
- Found Out-Right Dangerous
- Future Of Racings Delight
- (backwards) Driver Returns On Foot
- (backwards) Dumb Rednecks Own Fords
LTD:
- Lacks Total Dependability
- Lots To Do
- Looses Transmissions Daily
GEO: Good Engineering Overlooked
GM:
- General Maintenance
- Great Mistake
- Garbage Motors
- Generally Miserable
- Grossly Misconceived
- Gluteus Maximus
- Good Money
- Goofy's Manufacturing
- Gone Mental
GMC:
- Grief & Misery Combined
- Garage Man's Companion
- Gotta Mechanic Coming?
- Generally Mediocre Cars
- Get More Chicks
- Gets Mechanics Crazy
- Gods Mechanical Curse
- Got More Crap
- Great Mountain Climber
- Great Motor Car
- God Made Chevy
- Good Moron Car
- Got Mine Cheap
- Get My Checkbook
- Gone Mad Corp.
GTO:
- Gas, Tires, Oil
- Get Tools Out
- Get To Onramp
- Good To Own
- Get The Others
- Generally Trashed Out
- Good Time Out
- Gone To Overdrive
HONDA:
- Honest Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
- Had One Never Did Again
- Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
- Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
- Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles
- History Of No Dramatic Acceleration
- How Odd, No Darn Acceleration?
- PRELUDE: Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
JEEP:
- Just Eats Every Part
- Just Empty Every Pocket
- Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
- Jumps Extremely Excitedly over Potholes
- Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
KIA:
- Kick It Around
- Kick It Again
- Killed In Action
LOTUS:
Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
MAZDA: Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
MG:
- Money Guzzler
- Mostly Garaged
- Major Goof
- MGB: Might Go Backwards
- MGB: Might Go, But . . .
- MGB: Motor Going Bad
- MGF: Might Go Forward
MIATA: My Intention: Always To Accelerate
MOPAR
- Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
- Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
- Most Often Passed At Races
- Mostly Old Parts And Rust
- Move Over People Are Racing
- Move Over, Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
- My Old Pig Ain't Running
- My Only Problems Are Repairs
- Mechanics Offer Pinto As Replacement
- More Often Parts Are Replaced
MUSTANG:
- Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good
- Massivly Under Sized Tires And No Go
- Maybe Under Serious Thought Another No Go
- Maybe Under Serious Thought Another Nice GTO
OLDSMOBILE:
- Old Ladies Driving Slowly, Making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
- Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
OPEL:
- Oil Puddles Everywhere you Look
PINTO:
- Put In Nickel To Operate
- Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
- Put In New Transmission Often
- Pushed In Neutral Too Often
PONTIAC:
- Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
- Poor Old Numbskull Thinks Its A Cadillac
PORSCHE:
- Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
- Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
SAAB:
- Send Another Automobile Back
- Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
- Sad Attempt At Beauty
- Sorry Auto, Always Broken
- Shape Appears Ass-Backwards
SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
TOYOTA:
- Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
- Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
- The One You Ought To Avoid
TRIUMPH:
- This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
- Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!
TR: Tools Required
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW:
Vintage Wreck
Virtually Worthless
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