WebCars! Email Collection

• How to identify the driver's home Complete with the stereotypes that made this country great.
  
• If Microsoft Built Cars Mostly of value to computer geeks. Or computer geek wanna-bes.
  
• Bumper Sticker Collection Almost as useless as a game of Trivia Persuit.
  
• An email exchange I had with a former co-worker who thought my car hobby was a little bit crazy.
  
• We all know that FIAT = "Fix It Again Tony" or FORD = "Found On Road Dead", but we bet you don't know at least some of these car acronyms.
  
• A Lame Car Joke. You be the judge.
  
• You are what you drive. A great collection of automobile stereotypes.
  
• "I pay your salary!" and other things NOT to say to a cop if you get pulled over. Another public service from your friends at WebCars!
  
• Are you a racer? Otherwise entitled "The truth hurts"
  
• The truth about car ads.. Secrets that even Consumer Reports doesn't know.
• What's worse than . . .

Oil Changing Instructions

Women:
1.  Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil
change.
2.  Drink a cup of coffee.
3.  15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

------------------------------------------

Men:
1.  Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2.  Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to
O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3.  Open a beer and drink it.
4.  Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.  Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6.  In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.  Place drain pan under engine.
8.  Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.  Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16.  Beer.
17.  Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18.  Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19.  Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20.  Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21.  Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22.  Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to
gasket first.
23.  Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24.  Remember drain plug from step 11.
25.  Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26.  Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains
onto floor.
27.  Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28.  Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29.  Begin cussing fit.
30.  Throw wrench.
31.  Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992)
in the left boob.
32.  Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33.  Beer.
34.  Beer.
35.  Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36.  Beer.
37.  Lower car from jack stands
38.  Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39.  Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil
spilled during step 23.
40.  Drive car

Comments? Know of one we missed? Let us know!

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